Thirteen

Today in our tutorial we watched a clip from the film thirteen. I knew we were going to be doing this so I took the film home with me at the weekend and watched it all the way through. And it stirred a lot in me.

Whilst watching it on sun night I was shocked to be confronted with a film that displays a teenagers feelings so raw and true to life, and it made me think a lot about my own life and that of those around me (and those that I will be working with). Its so true what was said today by Emma that she’s perfectly aware of what she did at that age but to think that anyone else is going through that and doing those things is just shocking! I was very young and naive when I started secondary school, and was quickly picked up by a girl equally as insecure but who had different ways of showing it. Hers was to be ‘cool’, ‘hard’, ‘known’; and I was just desperate to fit in, to be noticed, to be liked for who I was. And so naturally I did things completely against my nature to try and achieve that!

At that time of my life things that now seem so small were so big, and other things that I just shrugged of like they didn’t affect me were actually quite big and scarring. Now the really scary thing is that my only brother is coming to that age and I can see the same battles starting up in him, I also see them all the time in the youth back at home and am suddenly aware of how everyone is or has gone through them. I am so grateful for my experiences, I wouldn’t change them no matter how dark those hours were, but I have such a desire in me to stop anyone else having to go through them. I know this is wrong and is something I have to let go of.

I understand now a bit more now why youth work attracts me so much. I needed someone to help me love myself, feels accepted, feel valued, become aware that I have gifts to offer etc. There were many times in my life where that was missing, there were other times when it was there and I couldn’t receive it, regardless of the situation I want to be there for people, not to fix their problems, nor to convert them to think like me, but to walk with them through some of the toughest times in their lives and give them the opportunities to find themselves and develop their gifts - to know who they are and to be known. And how that will look will be different for everyone.

By the way, thank you Holly for picking out that clip and leading us in the discussions, it was really good, and allowed me to do a bit more reflecting and thinking on…well everything I’ve just talked about!

x

Frazzeled brain!

Hey!

This is all very confusing! I'm ok with technology once I get into the swing of it, but whilst im trying out something new I worry Im gunna hit a wrong button and blowing up the comp! Its silly I know, but not un common Im sure!

Still my dad will be happy, hes a bit of a computer wizz to!

So to answer Dots question, I am in my first year of Christian Youth Work, and just coming to the end of my second week in Chester - blimey, thats gone fast! So far I am really enjoying it. There is more Theology in the course then I expected, which I am very pleased about! One of the things that attracted me to this Uni and this course was the theology part of it, its something ive been interested in studying for a long time but isn't something i'd specifically do as a course because my interests are in people more then paper, mainly youth. And though I love learning and actually found I missed it on my year out, accedemia, aparantly like many people on my course, isn't my stongest point. In fact I have just re-read what I have written and found that half of the sentences didn't actaully make sense! How I wish I could talk my way through the written work!

I have really enjoyed being challenged to think about the reasons why I act certain ways around youth, or why I have certain boundaries. It's amazing how much we are conditioned through our life and just float a long with things taking on morals from leadership just because they are there and not challenging ourselfs to think why? Or, is there a better way? And Im sure that this challenge will continue through the next two or three years. I know for sure that I will be more objective and critical about myself when I start my placements, partly because Im out of my comfort zone, partly because i'm interested to see, partly because the course asks it of me. And this excites me as I know it will lead me to grow as a person.

I won't say anything about Dot and Rich as I know you are all thinking the same things!! And I want to pass! Nah, I am excited to work with you and be taught by you two and am excited to see what tomorow brings! Anymore cookies?!

Blessings!
Kas (a.k.a Kaylee)